The Gift of Fulfillment in God’s Plan

He continues a little further on in that chapter, 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verses 6 and 7. Having said this, he goes on,

“I say this as a concession, not as a command.”

In other words, he's not commanding every man to marry or every woman to marry, but he's saying it because so often the alternative is simply immorality or frustrated, unfulfilled desires.

Then he sums up with a little personal comment.

“I wish that all men were as I am.”

That is, of course, unmarried, single.

“But each man has his own gift from God. One has this gift, another has that.”

Now that word gift there is a very interesting word. It's a word that a lot of people are very busy with today. It's the word charisma.

Many Christians don't realize that the ability to find fulfillment without being married is a charisma. The word charisma means a gift or of God's grace. It's something that God supernaturally imparts by his grace. It sometimes amuses me when I'm with people who are not Catholics that they're so busy talking about charismata or spiritual gifts and the various gifts they have or want to have, but very seldom do I hear those who are not Catholics talking about the charisma of being single. And yet, it's one of the charismata that are mentioned in the New Testament.

So Paul says, that's my charisma. I'm very happy that way. I could wish all of you were just as happy as I am the same way. But he says, I realize that's not going to be so. Because my being able to live happy and fulfilled without marriage is a charisma. It's a special distribution of God's grace given to me in his sovereignty. And if you don't have that charisma, he's implying, you'll never find that happiness and that fulfillment. You'll probably be frustrated. You may be tempted into immorality.

Now, let's make a few comments on those words of Paul. First, as I've said already, let me emphasize again, the ability to find fulfillment without being married, living single, is a charisma. But it's exemplified by two of the main characters of the New Testament. Paul is one. And whom do you think I have in mind beside Paul? Of course, it's Jesus. And yet I think many, many Christians don't realize that that charisma is demonstrated in the life of Jesus. He never married.

The second comment I wish to make is this: that God is sovereign. He makes the decisions. I want to emphasize this all the way through. He decides whether we are to be fulfilled in marriage or in a single life. And if it's marriage, then he decides whom we are to marry. This matter is so important that God does not leave the initiative with man. Many, many tragedies of unfulfillment and frustration have come into the lives of many believers because they have not been willing to leave this initiative in God's hands.

The third comment I wish to make is this: that as I see it in the scripture, singleness is the exception, not the rule. It's normal for men and women to marry. But in special cases, for his own purposes, for his service and for his glory, the Lord distributes to certain men and to certain women the ability to find fulfillment and to serve God on the highest level without being married. I think it's probably easier for a woman to achieve that than a man. If you consider the career of Paul as outlined in the New Testament, it's obvious that he could never have made any woman happy because he wouldn't be with her very, very little. So, we see the wisdom of God.

Finally, this is my fourth comment, to miss God's plan either way is to miss God's highest. To get married when you should be single, or to stay single when you should be married, or to marry someone God has not appointed for you, all those are errors which will cause you to miss God's highest will for your life.

Now I'm going to deal with a very important and practical question which arises out of what I've been saying. The question is this: How can you know if you should remain single? I want to suggest three steps that you need to take to answer this question. Step number one: commit your life to God without reservation. Don't hold anything back. Don't try to make your own plans. Don't impose your prerequisites on God. Just tell God, here I am, take me as I am in the name of Jesus, make me what you want me to be, and use me the way you want to use me.

The second step is ask God to show you his will in this important matter. Don't just grope, don't just speculate, ask God for clear direction. Here's a beautiful pattern prayer, which is one of my favorite prayers from all of the Bible. It's in Psalm 25 verses 4 and 5. The prayer of David.

“Show me your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

Would you pray that prayer?

“Show me your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me.”

If you pray that out of a sincere and believing heart, I am sure that God will show you if you're willing to be shown.

The third piece of advice I wish to give in this connection is this: It's negative. Do not move either way without positive direction. One of the simplest and most practical pieces of advice outside of scripture that I ever received was this: If you don't know what to do, don't do it. And I'll pass that on to you. If you're not sure about marriage or whom to marry, don't do it. Don't move either way without positive direction.

This is what Paul says about living single, a little further on in that same seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians.

“Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.”

Whatever your calling is, whatever your position is, stay in it until God moves you out of it. And a little further on in the same chapter, verse 24,

“Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.”

How do you know that you're in the situation? I believe one main way is that as long as you're walking in the will of God, you'll have a deep, settled peace. Let me read the Amplified Bible version of Colossians 3:15.

“And let the peace (soul harmony which comes from the Christ) rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts, deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds. In that peaceful state to which as members of Christ’s one body you were also called to live.”

So, if you let God's peace arbitrate in your heart, it'll show you in what state you've been called to live. If you lose your peace, it's a warning that you're probably beginning to move out of the place that God has put you in. Let God's peace arbitrate, make the decisions, finally settle the questions that rise in your heart.

Finally, let me add this. If you do decide that you are called to remain single, this will probably affect other aspects of your life. In particular, you'll specially need the close fellowship of committed believers of your own sex. Remember Genesis 2:18 is still true:

“It is not good for the man to be alone.”

May God help you to make the right decision.